Why is it easier to advise others but not yourself?

Flying to Germany tomorrow. Have been good up until yesterday and tonight. Now tge nerves and apprehension are kicking, and the negative thoughts are slightly spiralling. I hate this bit. I know I can do it as I flew all over the place last year. Trying to tell myself that tge stressful day at work today hasn't helped and that is why but it is so frustrating when all I want is a peaceful evening with my wife. Flying with my new boss and partly that is stressing me, but I have flown by myself before so....

Very frustrated and annoyed. Bit upset if I am honest but I think that is more frustration than anything. Where has my 'just do it' attitude!!!

Any kick up the rears would help. It is only two hours and back on Friday. Even beginning to have stupid thoughts about bad things happening because it is good Friday. How silly is that.

Phil.  

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It's all related to the letting go. I always imagine the people asleep are the ones who are at ease with it all. You can't fall asleep when you are anxious. It is like trying to sleep when you keep thinking about that bit of work to do. Your mind is always alert to it. Who knows, maybe one day you too can fall asleep on a plane. Though remember, there are a lot of people who can't sleep on a plane but don't have a fear. 

As for noticing every bump and noise, I think that will pass in time as well. Only on my last few flights have I really started watching the movies or listening to the music. Ok sometimes I only have one earphone in but it is an improvement. And as you say, you are there anyway so you may as well watch the movies. 

Keep going. 

Zsuzsanna said:
I'm still jealous of all the people who just get on a plane and sleep through the journey and arrive rested and refreshed. Most of my family members often fall asleep even before we take off, and are all bursting with energy and ready to go explore the new place when we land!? Then there are all those people who just enjoy the movies and the games or their book and again arrive rested and refreshed. For me it's very hard to fall asleep in a plane, and I find myself being distracted by every (real or imaginary) noise or motion even when I am trying to watch a movie or play a game or read a book... In the past I've mostly been watching the "moving map" because it comforts me to know we're "making progress". But it's like I'm "monitoring" the plane nonstop for 8 hours... No wonder I'm nauseatingly exhausted when we land. But who knows, maybe it'll go better this time - I have had a few good flights before, I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes...

Last night I figured out that my flight to Newark from Glagow is 90 five minute periods.  That sounds a lot but some of them will just disappear right.  Like the first 20minutes flys by 'literally' because of take off, etc.  I think anything that can distract you enough to get through each one of those timebins etc, the better.  Actually when I flew last year from Dallas to London, my bins varied between 1hr and 30mins, and 1hr flights I dont even have bins.  Every flight is different and I reckon we only know the best strategy to employ when we are doing it, i.e. which distraction bin do we need.

Talk about over analysing it though!!!  That is exactly what my wife says I do as well.  She is right of course, but then I am social cognitive neuro-psychologist with expertise in fMRI and social interactions.  In other words I spend all my days getting paid to over analyse things.  Ok, so that is a bit of a in-field joke title, but you know what I mean.  We are in the same boat, or maybe i should say plane.  Conferences and work is 90% of the time the reason i fly places.  The amount of times i wish i did something different so I would only have to fly on holidays.  But then I would just ruin my holidays - that and I love my job, and I love seeing new places.  

I wish i had flown a week ago or yesterday.  I just wish I had done it instead of sitting around waiting.  I am being quite up and down at the moment with it.  The apprehension and anticipation is getting to me - and the constant thinking about it.  I think i set my goal a bit high after the success of the last flight and need to re-evaluste that.  But maybe come the day of the first flight I will have got somewhere.

I think you sound like you are doing really well at the moment.  Keep it up and start getting things ready to keep you occupied.  Last year, a person I was with brought a puzzle book.  Even doing a simple word search helped pass a 5minute period.  This time we just have to force ourselves to remember to do the things we know work during the flights.

Loads of support coming your way.

p

 

 

I know that feeling.  Sitting on a plane to a conference in Sarasota, FL, from Glasgow with a group from my lab.  Everyone is reading their books or settling down to watch the movies.  I was the only one stressing.  One of them is in the back row - cap over his face getting some sleep.  I asked him about flying - he said a while back he realised you just have to go with it.

I know that is the truth.  I am just trying to realise it now.  It is hard to switch of the thinking brain and the questions.  You are never alone.  In fact, if you think about it, in reality on a plane of say 100 people, anywhere between 10 and 40 of those people have a fear to see degree or another.  At the moment I am just trying to remind myself that it is a phobia for a reason.  Also, I had a quick look to see if sites for other forms of travel exist - in ten minutes i found pages for fear of boats, trains and whilst driving.  They all describe identical anxiety symptoms to us.  I could never imagine having a fear of boats or trains, but I know people who have them, or boats at least.  To some extent this helps. 

it is a phobia and we are not alone in it.  U never know, maybe one day we will be sitting next to each other en route to our individual conferences. 

 

p

 

think the simulator might not be a bad - i should look into it.  Hell, somedays i think getting a pilots licence might even help.  Desensitization.  Not sure there is enough time before my trip though.  Are you doing it through Keith?

maybe i could get keith to teach me to fly.  In saying that though i think that would just make me want more control of flying the plane ;-)  but i can definately see how the extra knowledge and the experience would help you.

that and it sounds fun.  I drove a full mock-up virgin pendolino train simulator once.  Great fun for me, but i dont think my passengers would have loved it.  I kept missing the station.  Maybe i should just leave things to the professionals.



Phil said:

Last night I figured out that my flight to Newark from Glagow is 90 five minute periods.  That sounds a lot but some of them will just disappear right.  Like the first 20minutes flys by 'literally' because of take off, etc.  I think anything that can distract you enough to get through each one of those timebins etc, the better.  Actually when I flew last year from Dallas to London, my bins varied between 1hr and 30mins, and 1hr flights I dont even have bins.  Every flight is different and I reckon we only know the best strategy to employ when we are doing it, i.e. which distraction bin do we need.

Talk about over analysing it though!!!  That is exactly what my wife says I do as well.  She is right of course, but then I am social cognitive neuro-psychologist with expertise in fMRI and social interactions.  In other words I spend all my days getting paid to over analyse things.  Ok, so that is a bit of a in-field joke title, but you know what I mean.  We are in the same boat, or maybe i should say plane.  Conferences and work is 90% of the time the reason i fly places.  The amount of times i wish i did something different so I would only have to fly on holidays.  But then I would just ruin my holidays - that and I love my job, and I love seeing new places.  

I wish i had flown a week ago or yesterday.  I just wish I had done it instead of sitting around waiting.  I am being quite up and down at the moment with it.  The apprehension and anticipation is getting to me - and the constant thinking about it.  I think i set my goal a bit high after the success of the last flight and need to re-evaluste that.  But maybe come the day of the first flight I will have got somewhere.

I think you sound like you are doing really well at the moment.  Keep it up and start getting things ready to keep you occupied.  Last year, a person I was with brought a puzzle book.  Even doing a simple word search helped pass a 5minute period.  This time we just have to force ourselves to remember to do the things we know work during the flights.

Loads of support coming your way.

p

 

Wishful thinking is a waste of time  Realistic thinking is the stuff you want to go for. Don't wish for the weather to be good, rather work out what you'll do if the weather's bad.

 

Keith

I have held my drivers license for three years (I am 31 in september) and I havent focussed my left eye since i was born.  Anyone can drive a car with enough practice.  I always remember the eye surgeon when i was 6 sayin to me.  Phil - with your right eye you could fly any plane (i wanted to be a pilot at that age), but sadly, with your left eye, you would never see the plane.  Was tough at such a young age.  Maybe things are different now.

Weirdly i think I would be ok flying to meet keith to do my training.  In fact I even considered going on his course and flying down to it.  I think there was one a few days before i go.  What stopped me was the thought that there is probably someone that needs it more than me, and that if i am willing to fly to the course to overcome a fear of flying, maybe the flying isnt the problem.

oh yeah and as for the PHD - i was writing mine up in 2006 when i fully developed my fear.  Doesnt take a genius to figure out the effect some stress at work can have.  Oh how I would have attacked this sooner if I had the time again.  Hindsight is but a wonderful thing.

Never too late though.

p

 

that is very true keith.  No point wishing for no turbulence.  Just planning on working on my breathing for when it is needed right?

 

Right...almost time to stop theorising too.

 

Keith

i hope to figure out how.  ;-)

 

p

 

 

Try an elastic band on the wrist and a good ping when something unhelpful crosses your mind....

Sort of mechanical ECT without the sid effects.

 

Keith

Ok - will raid the resources room on way out tonight.  One on both wrists and ankles.  If that doesnt work then I calling you.

Always good to hear some straight words.  Cheers Keith

p

 

in second thoughts keith - would it be ok to give you a call at some point tomorrow (wednesday) or some time soon.

 

cheers

p

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