For most of my adult life I have lived with panic disorder. But it reared it's ugly head a few years ago and it's been relentless every since.
I am able to do some things, though it is ALWAYS with someone with me. I RARELY, if ever venture out alone. My world has grown very small, and as I am looking forward to the years ahead. (I'll be 52 next year), I am disappointed in myself. I don't want this to be it.
I have the opportunity to travel from Washington State, to California in about 2 weeks. I've only been on a plane twice before in my life and that was YEARS ago and only for 45 minutes or so. This will be a little over 2 hours and I just don't know how I'm going to do it for that long!
I fear cramped areas, I feel uncomfortable in crowds, I fear new things, I just get petrified by the mere thought.
I do have Xanax that I can take if I get "too out there", but I don't like the feeling of being doped up.
As I "listen" to what I am saying here, I sound like a baby and making all kinds excuses. I want to break thse damn chains that have bound me for all of my adult life. I don't like living like this, but I am so afraid, so terrified.